Dumb Criminals on The Morning Mess 3-16-2020

-a man in a hazmat suit ran into a Las Vegas Walmart on Saturday before spraying items with an unknown liquid. Thirteen shoppers were hit with the liquid. No one was injured or had any symptoms following the dousing. The man was taken into custody

-2 Georgia men were recently injured after fighting at a Sam’s Club. A man on a motorized shopping cart accidentally bumped into another group’s cart. A female from that group slapped the man before he picked up a wine bottle to defend himself. The woman’s friend also grabbed a wine bottle before the two men began striking one another. They were cut badly when police arrived. The men were treated for non-life-threatening injuries and say their fight had nothing to do with coronavirus toilet paper, hand sanitizer or wipes (WINNER WINNER DUMBASS OF THE DAY) 

-the Gwinnett County, Georgia police are looking for a man named Speedy Gonzales…the 35 year-old is wanted for forgery, identity theft and theft by deception after using stolen checks at a Home Depot.

-The Newport, Oregon police are asking people not to call 911 if they are experiencing a toilet paper shortage….They posted … Do not call 9-1-1 just because you ran out of toilet paper. You will survive without our assistance. In fact, history offers many other options for you in your time of need if you cannot find a roll of your favorite soft, ultra plush two-ply citrus scented tissue. Seamen used old rope and anchor lines soaked in salt water. Ancient Romans used a sea sponge on a stick, also soaked in salt water. We are a coastal town. We have an abundance of salt water available. Sea shells were also used. Mayans used corn cobs. Colonial Americans also used the core of the cob. Farmers not only used corn cobs, but used pages from the Farmers Almanac. Many Americans took advantage of the numerous pages torn from free catalogs such as Sears and Roebuck. The Sears Christmas catalog, four times thicker than the normal catalog, could get a family of three wiped clean from December through Valentine’s Day; or Saint Patrick’s Day if they were frugal. Be resourceful. Be patient. There is a TP shortage. This too shall pass. Just don’t call 9-1-1. We cannot bring you toilet paper.

-an American Airlines flight from Nashville to Dallas was recently delayed for eight hours after a passenger joked about having the coronavirus. Officers calmed passengers and said the man admitted he was joking. He was arrested for making a false claim

Last week, a 45-year-old woman named Ann Marie Tucker and a 37-year-old guy named Albert Singletary were busted having PUBLIC SEX outside of a hospital in St. Petersburg, Florida.   Apparently they were in full view of everyone in the hospital . . . and right by a “no trespassing” sign.  They were both charged with trespassing and exposure of sexual organs.