There’s a 22-year-old guy from North Port, Florida.  And he was driving drunk on Sunday and talking on the phone with a friend when he SMASHED into a sign. And that sign said . . . “Drive sober or get pulled over.” The cops came to the scene and found their sign knocked over and destroyed, and our buddy nearby with a big dent in his Mazda. He blew twice the legal limit on the Breathalyzer and he was arrested for DUI and for property damage.    

Staying in Florida… Cops in Leesburg, Florida found 19-year-old Madison Bryant sitting in the middle of a highway median DRUNK last Saturday night. She’d been in a fight with her boyfriend, and made him stop his truck to let her out.  Police found him nearby, and he ended up with a DUI. Madison wasn’t facing any charges at that point.  But while they were arresting the boyfriend, she asked if she could pee on the side of the road.  And the cops said NO but offered to drive her to a gas station. But Mads had to go so she pulled down her pants . . . squatted in front of their police car . . . hung onto the front bumper for balance. . . and relieved herself right there.  So after she pulled her pants up, they arrested her for disorderly intoxication. Then on her way to jail, she offered one of the cops SEXUAL FAVORS if he’d give back her vape device that he’d confiscated. The disorderly intoxication charge is just a misdemeanor.  But they also tacked on a charge for trying to bribe a public servant, which is a felony.  Better off wetting your pants there Maddy.

the Berthold, North Dakota Police recently arrested a drunk farmer for taking a John Deere harvester out for a joyride. He managed to flip the harvester over and according to the owner it’s a total loss…. Oh, and our tipsy farmer was driving it on a revoked license to add to the charges

And last but not least our drunk dummies take us to Gillette, Wyoming where police recently arrested a drunk man for eating chicken strips in a Walmart bathroom. (insert pukey face emoji here) Cops arrived and found the man downing a bottle of whiskey. Gotta kill those public bathroom germs somehow… He was taken to the hospital and treated before being taken to jail…